


Craig Tucker, The Biggest Winner In The Universe

by InexplicableCat



Category: South Park
Genre: Genderfluid Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5877682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InexplicableCat/pseuds/InexplicableCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's New Year's Eve and everyone wants to spend the evening at Craig and Tweek's place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Craig Tucker, The Biggest Winner In The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Song: The New Year by Azure Ray

“For the hundredth time, I don’t want to welcome the new fucking year surrounded by a bunch of assholes!”

Craig Tucker was twenty five years old and had been living together with his lifetime sweetheart for the past four years basically since he was done getting his degree in computer science and got back from Denver. Sure the big city, or pretty much any other place in the country, offered more opportunities than a town as godforsaken as South Park but Craig had never really been the ambitious type and he never actually outgrew his elementary school affinity for all things ‘nice and boring’.

Plus he would have literally died of a broken heart if he had to spend another minute, at the end of four long, lonely and miserable years, away from said sweetheart.

Tweek Tweak had been promoted to manager of Tweak Bros, coming one step closer to his lifelong dream of becoming the store owner one day, once his parents decided to finally retire. And although his dream didn’t really clash with his boyfriend’s aspirations of a quiet, small-townish life, it certainly clashed with any hope Craig had of getting a real 9-5 job at one of the major companies in the country or creating something of his own one day.

So he was doing IT work and tech support for basically every place in South Park that was in need of it, from the local bank and the South Park Elementary to Tom’s Rhinoplasty and Jimbo’s Guns. Yes, Jimbo maintained a vast digital archive of everything related to his shop, which required the interference of professional assistance once in a while and not only that but he also hired Craig, a couple of years back, to create a flamboyant website for the shop, something far above his paygrade and his skillset. The result was something that looked like it was unleashed from the late ‘90s internet but Ned loved it and that was all the confirmation Jimbo needed.

The two of them got a place together, the minute Craig was back in South Park for good and had been enjoying the domestic life ever since. Said life was consisted, apart from unfettered sexual encounters and falling asleep in each other’s arms, of heated arguments like the one that was about to ensue.

Tweek sighed heavily, albeit without averting his gaze from the old TV, where he was watching old X-Files reruns, slumped down on the navy blue couch.

“They are not a bunch of assholes,” he exhaled. “They are our friends.”

“Oh really? Since when Marsh and his merry band of idiots fall under the friend category?” Craig shouted from the kitchen, where he was trying to put together something for dinner.

“Fine,” Tweek huffed, not interested in prolonging a conversation that clearly happened every year. “We won’t invite _them_. We’ll just tell Clyde and Token.” He took a sip of coffee from his Spider-Man mug, the one that Craig had gotten him for his 18 th birthday and he was still treasuring with a special fondness cause it was the last gift he had received from his boyfriend of eight years before he left for college. It reminded Tweek that the darkest period of his life was over. He must have broken up with Craig almost fifty times in four years over the phone, cause he couldn’t handle the pressure of thinking about the new people his boyfriend was meeting and how the rejection of everything that they had been was just around the corner.

“I was just referring to them, anyway,” Tweek continued after placing his mug back on the small coffee table between the couch and the TV set.

“I know what you meant,” Craig responded while taking a bite from the spaghetti he was boiling in order to determine their edibleness. “But somehow, every New Year’s Eve, our whole graduation class finds its way to our apartment.”

“I-It makes sense man. We are the only guys with a half decent place of their own still living in South Park. When people are back for the holidays, the word is spreading out.”

“What about McCormick? He’s got his own place,” Craig remarked.

“She. And _her_ own place,” Tweek corrected while muting the show cause obviously this was turning to one of those hour long debates they used to have over insignificant issues.

Craig raised an eyebrow “What?”

“Kenny has been a girl all week,” Tweek explained, turning around to look at his boyfriend who was apparently preparing the sauce to go with the spaghetti “She drops by the coffee shop every afternoon before going to work.”

Craig rolled his eyes “Whatever.”

Tweek scoffed “Anyway, you know Kenny’s place is a dump. You can’t expect people to gather for a New Year’s Eve party there. And the only other person who stayed in South Park is Clyde and he still lives with his dad.”

Craig actually smirked at that “Yeah, what a loser.”

Tweek pouted “He is not a loser. He just got really close to his father after his mother died and he doesn’t want to leave him all alone,” he clarified before adding “I think its sweet.”

“Oh yeah? Is this your way of telling me you wanna move back in with your parents?”

“N-No! My parents are freaks.”

“True that,” Craig concurred while cutting up an onion. He was making tomato and basil sauce. “I just hate how those shitheads will flood our place, make a mess out of everything and then disappear the next morning leaving behind spilled alcohol and food and pools of vomit for me to clean up!” he exclaimed.

“I’ll help with the cleanup,” Tweek offered.

Craig lifted his gaze from the stove at that, observed Tweek silently for a few seconds and then shook his head, sighing “No you won’t,” he stated. “You keep saying that you will start getting more involved with the household chores but in the end you don’t do anything. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I wash the fucking dishes,” he said with an indecipherable tone in his voice, like he wasn’t sure himself if he should feel disappointed or display his usual, general apathy even when he was being screwed over by his boyfriend and not in a fun way.

Tweek’s eyes widened and then his whole expression hardened “W-well, then maybe I should just leave since I’m such a big burden to you,” he said with a cruelty in his voice that was getting to Craig every time. Especially because he knew those weren’t just empty threats. He would actually do it. Tweek would actually leave him, in the middle of the night, or whatever the fuck time of day he felt like to, deserting him to wallow in his own misery. Like it happened last year, when they fought badly over something, he didn’t even remember what, and Tweek left for a whole week, hiding in Kenny’s place.

And Craig was left behind to deal with the kind of pain that the absence of his love of his life was inflicting upon him. The one that had felt before during the four years they had spent apart from one another. It wasn’t just the kind of sadness that was too unbearable, often leading to the sensation of desperation, but it was quickly developing to that twisting, physical ache that was spreading from the top of his chest to the bottom of his stomach, pricking his internal organs and waking him up from his excruciating midday naps in his dorm room. For some reason the pain always hit him harder during the afternoon hours.

Craig lowered his gaze and placed his hands on the kitchen counter as if to steady himself. He took a few big breaths; he should have been used to Tweek’s fleeing tendencies by now, but in reality it wasn’t getting any easier.

“Stop blackmailing me,” he hissed through gritted teeth.

Tweek heard the unexpressed anger in his boyfriend’s voice and decided that it wasn’t worth it to push the matter further. He turned his back on Craig and went back to watching his show. Craig watched him for a few, silent seconds before finishing the pasta and calling him for dinner.

* * *

 

The next day it was New Year’s Eve and Tweek’s dad allowed him to get off work a couple of hours earlier so he was home by six. He found Craig waiting for him at their doorstep. He threw the car keys to Tweek and explained “We are going shopping at Walmart.”

Tweek grabbed the keys in middle air, looking confused “W-whatever for?”

“Well, since there’s no way we can stop people from invading our place tonight, at least we should buy a few drinks. I can’t face all those dickheads sober.” Tweek smiled and gripped Craig’s elbow, gently guiding him back towards the entrance to their apartment block. “There’s no need for that,” he said. “I already talked to Token about it. He is gonna make sure that whoever wants to welcome the New Year in _our_ apartment will have to bring their own food and liquor. And we still have enough alcohol for the two of us. Enough to get you properly wasted.”

Craig paused for a moment and then a fond smiled appeared on his face. “Yeah, good thinking, dude. At least we don't have to spend money for those asswipes.”

Tweek rolled his eyes and climbed the stairs to the first floor and their apartment. Their building was a three story, old, crumbling thing that guaranteed bad water pressure and worse heating. But at still they had decorated their own place from top to bottom transforming it into a cozy, little nest.

“So, who exactly are we expecting tonight?” Craig asked while taking off his blue jacket and his shoes.

“Well, Clyde is definitely coming. And I think Red is back from Denver? I don’t really know man, she’s your cousin, you should know these things,” Tweek exclaimed.

“As long as she is dating that idiot I don’t consider her family,” Craig deadpanned.

Tweek scoffed and disappeared into their bedroom in order to get out of his work clothes; a pair of black chinos, midnight green shirt and a black vest.

“Anyway, Token is coming too. I don’t think he is bringing anyone though,” he shouted from the bedroom.

Craig grabbed a beer from the fridge and slumped down on the couch, determined not to get up until the New Year had arrived.

Tweek stumbled in a few minutes later, dressed in navy blue corduroy pants. He had kept the green shirt from work, although now a few buttons were not correctly made which meant that Tweek had taken it off, struggled in his mind as to what to wear and then put it back on, not liking any other option. Craig didn’t say anything, mis-buttoned shirts was one of the basic things that made Tweek who he was and in all their years together Craig had learnt not only to not be bothered by it but to actually be somewhat fond of it.

“Have you eaten anything?” Tweek asked.

“Just leftover pasta.” Craig had spent the whole day at home, since no one really needed IT services on New Year’s Eve. This was South Park after all.

“I brought some sandwiches from the shop. Do you want one?”

“Sure,” Craig said, appreciating Tweek’s further peace offerings. His boyfriend got up to get the food and Craig realized that he had been fighting for a lost cause. Apparently having his jerk classmates over and celebrating all together was something that for some unfathomable reason made Tweek happy. And whatever made Tweek happy was the law; unbroken and inescapable like Craig’s love for him.

When Tweek gave him his sandwich, tuna salad with mayo, his favorite, he pretty much surrendered to his fate.

“I don’t really mind,” he said between bites.

“You don’t really mind what?” Tweek was nipping at his own sandwich, plain ham and cheese, no mayo and although he had a pretty good idea of what Craig was talking about, he still managed to pull off an innocent expression.

“I don’t mind people coming over for New Year’s Eve.”

“It will be fun, man,” Tweek assured him, smiling. “Kenny called me at some point during my break and she and Tammy are having the night off. They offered to come earlier in order to help us if we need anything,” he said and then shot a sideways glance to Craig “if you don’t mind I mean.”

“Yeah sure, whatever,” Craig said with his mouth full.

“Great! I’ll call her,” Tweek declared enthusiastically and got up to find his phone.

Craig rolled his eyes and finished his sandwich.

“They’ll come at eight,” Tweek said upon returning to their living room. “I guess most people will be here by ten.”

“Did you actually invite anyone else?” Craig asked.

Tweek shook his head “N-no, man. I thought you didn’t want me to. But I’m sure people will come anyway. It’s like you said, they always find their way to our apartment on New Year’s Eve.”

“Yeah. Joy.” Craig said sarcastically but nevertheless a small grin made its way to his face.

* * *

 

Their doorbell rang around eight thirty and Craig got up from the couch grunting and went to open the door. Tweek was in the kitchen preparing another pot of coffee. It was New Year’s Eve, he was gonna overdose on the stuff, reservations be damned.

As soon as Craig opened the door he was dragged into a hug by an extremely cheerful Kenny McCormick. She was dressed in a light pink sundress combined with black Dr. Martens and a black leather jacket that fit snugly to her skinny figure and Craig had to admit that she looked absolutely stunning, while he was struggling to break out of skinny, freckled arms. Her hair was reaching her shoulders and she must have actually combed it or something cause it wasn’t as unkempt as usual, though still shaggy.

Tammy, on the other hand, was wearing loose jeans and a plain white shirt.

“Skank stole my dress,” was the first thing she said to Craig, instead of a greeting.

“Bitch please, you couldn’t possibly pull it off this good,” Kenny laughed but kissed her girlfriend’s cheek nonetheless, while stepping inside the apartment.

“I don’t care for all your girl drama,” Craig said closing the door behind them.

“So. We really are the first ones here,” Kenny observed while sashaying into the kitchen to unleash his hugging menace upon another innocent victim.

Tammy took a look around the house and then went over to the couch, where Craig had been watching ‘In Bruges’, apparently it was considered a holiday movie, sank down ungracefully, put her feet on the coffee table and let out a big breath.

Craig rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything; he just settled down next to her and went on with watching the movie.

Tammy Warner was a year older than the rest of them and had been in a serious relationship with Kenny since she was sixteen. Kenny had never allowed the 'restrictions of gender definition', as he was calling it, to get to him and Tammy was pan so she had always been along for the ride.

They both worked at “Ruffians”, South Park’s one and only gay bar, Kenny as a bartender and Tammy as a waitress.

But all in all, at times she projected a level of apathy and nonchalance that made even Craig look like Satan at his Super Sweet 16 Halloween party. It also made Craig respect her for it.

They were joined by their respective other halves after a while, Kenny bringing them beers while Tweek was clutching to his cup full of fresh coffee. He squeezed himself between Craig and Tammy and brought the cup to his nose, delighting on the rich aroma.

“So, how have you guys been?” Kenny asked. She was sitting on a floor pillow, next to her girlfriend at one end of the couch, cross-legged and completely unladylike. The hem of her dress was falling a little bit over her knees. She had taken off her leather jacket by then and the left strap of her dress was falling loosely below her shoulder.

“F-fine,” Tweek said. “Pretty much the same routine.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Kenny nodded. “It’s been months since I saw Stan, can you believe that? Kyle even more than that and don’t get me started on Cartman.”

Craig cringed silently at the mention of Kenny’s old group and snorted “Well you can’t expect them to visit this hellhole every once in a while, McCormick. They have their own shit,” Craig said surprising even himself for kind of defending those jerks.

Tweek frowned “It’s not a hellhole, it’s our home.”

Craig gave him a long look before lowering his gaze to his beer and taking a swig “Whatever.”

Tammy had been staring at the screen the whole time, apparently absorbed in the movie, until she scoffed “I really don’t care about all those snobby douche-bags,” she said and after a few seconds of aghast silence she turned to look at Kenny, who was trying her best to look like a kicked puppy.

“What?”

“They are our friends,” she cooed.

“No. They are your friends. I just tolerate them. I got friends of my own,” Tammy deadpanned and Craig wanted to bro-fist her right then and there.

Kenny laughed and slid her hand to her thigh “God, you are such a bitch!”

Tammy just shrugged and averted her eyes back to the screen while Kenny slid closer to her, dragging the pillow with her butt and rested her head on her knees.

* * *

 

By ten thirty Craig was feeling properly dizzy, there was that warm buzz in his head that allowed him to deal with all the assholes that had been cramming into their small apartment over the last hour except for Clyde who came around nine. At one point during the previous year he pretty much completely took over as the general manager of the shoe store, making it possible for his father to enjoy the merits of an early retirement. He and Red, who was getting her PhD in linguistics in Denver, had been together for almost two years now. They got together when she was still doing her masters and was back in South Park over her summer break.

It wasn’t much of a surprise; Red used to hang out with them a lot during high school, being Craig’s cousin and all and everyone knew she had been pining over Clyde since middle school when he got together with Bebe. Well, everyone except Clyde that is. For some, unfathomable to Craig reason, the hottest girls at their school would always compete for Clyde’s affections. And Token’s, but that was completely understandable. But what he couldn’t understand at all was his cousin’s eternal fascination with that dipshit he called his best friend. She had told Craig that she spent her undergrad years trying to get over him; she didn’t clarify as to what that was comprised of but Craig somehow knew that there was a lot of partying involved. The both of them were in different schools so he hadn’t been seeing much of her; he was too busy anyway, hiding in his dorm room trying to convince Tweek that they could survive this. And there were limits as to how much consolation one can offer via facetime.

Anyway, somehow Red’s m.o. didn’t quite work; when the partying stopped and she got serious over her academic life, she applied for a master’s degree and told Clyde how she felt. He and Bebe had broken up a couple of years back, when she went to school in Florida to become a marine biologist. They got together that same night.

Craig didn't actually talk to her but he knew that she would be back for the holidays. He had to admit that she and Clyde were pulling off the whole distance thing much better than he and Tweek had ever had, but still Red never missed an opportunity to visit her hometown and her stupid boyfriend. So when Clyde arrived at their house alone, Craig was kinda surprised but Clyde reassured him later that Red was spending some time with her parents and would be there shortly.

The first thing, however, that came out of Clyde’s mouth, as soon as he set foot inside Craig’s living room was to ask Kenny if she had brought the weed.

Craig rolled his eyes and warned both of them not to pass any of that shit to Tweek, who was extremely lightweight and the combination of alcohol and pot in his system always ended up in disaster.

The second to arrive after Clyde had been Token. He had been living in New York since graduation, working at a big law firm and basically following in his father’s footsteps. They didn’t see much of him, at least as much as Craig would have liked but every time they did it was as if he had never left. He kept inviting them to the big city but Tweek was working crazy hours at the coffee shop and he didn’t really like travelling. He visited Craig in Denver only five times in four years.

Not long after Token had arrived at their house, South Park’s power couple showed up, making Craig cringe slightly at the sight of Eric Theodore Cartman, accompanied by Wendy Testaburger. They went to school together in Boston, studying business or economics or whatever, where they apparently hooked up and set out to conquer the world. Craig could have seen them becoming an item from a mile away, all that sexual tension and whatnot and the fact remained that he was relieved he didn’t see much of Cartman these days. When they arrived at the party Cartman immediately asked where the food was, which made Wendy roll her eyes and elbow him in the stomach.

About half an hour later there was another knock at their door. That time it was Kyle Broflovski with Nichole, who flew in from San Francisco and Stan Marsh with Henrietta Biggle, who apparently was still a Goth chick. They were living together in Chicago doing douchy alternative stuff, Craig could only assume. Stan and Kyle hugged everyone in the room, while Nichole was getting them drinks and Henrietta engaged into a bitch staring contest with Wendy.

Craig had already been irritated by the presence of so many dickheads in his house but he tried not to show it too much mainly for Tweek’s sake, who seemed to have been enjoying himself, sitting next to Craig on the couch and listening to Cartman and Kyle bickering. Some things never change.

Almost an hour before midnight, Craig got up from his cozy spot to go to the bathroom. He was cut off, however, by Clyde who jumped at his face.

“Craig we have a problem!” Clyde exclaimed, dragging Craig to the kitchen.

“Is it a real one or just another of your imaginary problems?”

Clyde rolled his eyes “The biggest problem somebody could have on New Year’s Eve. You guys don’t have any champagne!”

Craig was looking at him like he was completely and utterly stupid “So?”

Clyde’s eye widened “So? Is that all you have to say? Champagne man! Everybody opens a bottle of champagne when the New Year comes!”

“I’m not everybody.”

“Please dude. Please. Just go to the liquor store around the corner and buy two bottles,” Clyde implored.

“Absolutely not. If you are so desperate for it, go buy it yourself.”

“Oh come on, man, this is your house, we are your guests.”

“Great. And since it’s _my_ house, _I_ decide we don’t need any fucking champagne.”

Clyde pinched his forehead frustrated “Look dude, we all chipped in for it, you don’t have to pay at all. Just go and buy it.”

Craig looked at the crumbled bills in Clyde’s outstretched hand for a long moment and then closed his eyes, sighing “Godfuckingdammit.”

He took the money, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door cursing under his breath.

When he was back, he strode into the kitchen where Clyde and Red were chatting about something and thumped down the two bottles on their plastic white table.

“Here’s your fucking champagne.”

Red grinned and Clyde’s eyes lit up “Great dude, thanks!”

“Whatever, just don’t talk to me for the rest of the evening,” Craig spat and walked away.

When he was back in the living room he scanned the room to find his boyfriend, observing his stupid classmates. Bebe was talking amiably with Annie and Millie and the three of them were soon joined by Lola, who was coming out of the bathroom. Kevin Stoley had been talking to Heidi since they had both arrived at the party and if Heidi had some more to drink he could definitely see the direction that was going. He silently praised himself once again for remembering to lock their bedroom door; no one was having sex in their bed tonight.  He also spotted a couple of the Goth kids and how the fuck did they end up at his house, smoking at a corner and devouring Tweek’s coffee. He was ready to go over there and kick their asses for filling his living room with smoke but he suddenly felt a tug at his side, sharp and intense and he turned his head to its source.

Tweek was clinging to his boyfriend’s arm, eyes wide and horrified and Craig could smell the joint in his breath. He cursed under his breath, trying his hardest not to lash out and murder somebody.

“I thought I told you to stay away from that shit,” he said through gritted teeth.

“I’m so sorry, Craig” Tweek whimpered, apparently he hadn’t listened to a word that came out of his boyfriend’s mouth. “I’m so sorry for everything!” he practically yelled while his eyes were beginning to well up with tears. Tweek always got immensely emotional when fucked up.

Craig sighed deeply and grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulders as if to steady him. He guided his head to his chest and Tweek just hid there, before starting to sob uncontrollably. Craig rested his own head on top of his boyfriend’s and whispered “Hey, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Y-yes there is!” Tweek exclaimed between sobs. “I’m such a horrible boyfriend! I don’t do anything. And when shit gets tough I just want out. A-and it’s not fair to you! No wonder you are fed up with me.”

Craig tilted his chin in order to make Tweek look straight into his eyes.

“Tweek listen to me. I will never _ever_ be fed up with you. Haven’t you realized by now that I can’t live without you, you idiot?”

He sniffed and stared at Craig who tried his best to give him a comforting smile but probably ended up a crooked grin anyway. Craig sighed and guided Tweek to the couch where Token was drinking vodka alone, checking his phone every five minutes.

“Hey man,” Craig said. Token lifted his gaze and it was obvious that he wasn’t completely sober himself but Craig trusted Token more than anyone to behave in a responsible manner even when slightly wasted. “Hey. What’s wrong with him?” he asked nodding towards Tweek who was now completely leaning his head against Craig's shoulder, keeping his eyes close and murmuring under his breath.

Craig just shook his head while he helped his boyfriend to sit next to Token.

“My head is swimming,” mumbled Tweek while being manhandled.

Craig ignored him and turned to Token “Will you keep an eye on him, Toke? I gotta do something.”

“Sure dude, don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

He took a few deep breaths and then stormed over to where Kenny and Tammy were sitting on the floor, tongue fucking each other. Tammy’s hand was up Kenny’s dress. Craig grabbed Kenny from the collar of her jacket, which for some inexplicable reason she had put back on and slammed her against the wall. The motion earned them a few stares, but mostly people had been too drunk to really care.

Tammy rose up, yanking at Craig’s shirt in order to get him to release her girlfriend.

“Hey, what the hell do you think you are doing you motherfucker?” she slurred.

Craig ignored her and narrowed his eyes at Kenny, who looked absolutely shitfaced.

“Didn’t I tell you not to give that crap to Tweek, you poor piece of shit?”

Kenny’s eyes opened wide and she finally tried to struggle her way out of Craig’s grasp.

“What the fuck are you talking about, man? I didn’t give him shit! Clyde passed him the joint at some point.”

Craig growled and let Kenny go. He charged into the kitchen and stared at Clyde with such a murderous glare that he immediately stood up from his chair and tried to get away from him. Craig was faster though, he grabbed him by his shirt and repeated the process of slamming him against the fridge.

“Craig man, I’m sorry! He asked for it dude! And I didn’t think a drag would affect him that much! Please don’t kill me! Please!” Clyde was blabbering.

Craig was eyeing him up and down, trying really hard not to punch his teeth in. Red was at Clyde’s side, whimpering and mewling, infuriating Craig even further.

“Shut up Red,” he barked.

“And you…” he snapped at Clyde, who had begun sniffling himself “…stay out of my sight.” And with that he released Clyde from his grip and left the kitchen because if he would have stayed a minute longer he wouldn’t have been able to control himself.

He glanced over at the couch where Tweek was drifting off and Token was making sure he was okay. When their eyes met, Token gave him a reassuring nod. Which was all the confirmation Craig needed before floundering his way through the crowd and heading to the front door.

Because sometimes…sometimes Craig wanted out too.

When he was outside of their building, he took out his cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket and took a deep drag before closing his eyes and exhaling heavily.

“Got a bit heated inside, right?”

Craig turned his head to the direction of the voice and he was surprised to see Stan Marsh, leaning against the building, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“Yeah. I just needed some fresh air.”

“I know what you mean,” Stan replied before taking a big swig from his bottle. “God, I can’t stand all the fucking drama.”

Craig was about to ask him if he was talking about him and Clyde but Stan continued with his narration “Henrietta left. She said she was over those posers." Stan laughed bitterly “She called Wendy a skinny bitch.”

Craig remembered that he had heard some commotion coming from the kitchen at some point but he had been too lazy to move from his spot on the couch.

“She thinks she is with Cartman to make me jealous," Stan continued, slurring his words and Craig realized he was wasted. "You know, Henri comes off as this nihilistic and cynical bad-ass but deep down she has the image of the perfect ex-girlfriend to compete with and it’s driving her over the edge sometimes. Which is stupid cause I had never loved Wendy as much as I love her. To me she is perfect in a way Wendy or any other girl could never be."

Craig didn’t admit it but he could actually sympathize with Stan, especially during that last part. Instead he deadpanned “I don’t care about your relationship problems, Marsh.”

Stan rolled his eyes “Seriously dude? When exactly are you planning on moving on with that attitude? When we are seventy years old?”

Craig looked confused which made Stan sigh heavily before scoffing “We’ve known you since pre-school, we grew up together, we meet regularly and whether you like it or not I actually care about you. When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that we are friends and drop that stupid ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude?”

Craig was dumbfounded. He really didn't know what to respond to all that, so they just stayed there in silence, him smoking his cigarette and Stan drinking from his bottle.

“I know what it’s like to be with an insecure person," Craig said after a while.

Stan rolled his eyes at him again and actually snorted this time, sounding frustrated.

“Jesus Tucker, you really are the densest motherfucker in the whole world,” he said and before Craig had the chance to protest he continued “I know Tweek is insecure. I mean, we are not the closest of buddies but I’ve known him since forever too. And I can only guess how it's affecting you and your relationship."

“But don’t you get that…” Stan continued “…that you and Tweek have this thing, that you _are_ this ideal thing that everyone looks up to and tries to reach the standards you have raised. That’s what you are to this fucking town, man. A myth, a legend. So, there’s not even a reason for us to antagonize any more. You’ve won Craig Tucker. You are the biggest winner in the universe,” he said with a sincere smile and then flicked his cigarette butt on the ground and disappeared into the building leaving Craig awestruck.

He smoked another cigarette before going back inside himself. Tweek was all over him when he set foot inside the living room.

“Craig! Where have you been, it’s almost midnight!” he exclaimed and Craig noted that he didn’t look as fucked up as before.

“Smoking. Are you feeling better?"

Tweek nodded and guided him at an empty spot where they could welcome the New Year together. Clyde was standing with Red a few feet away, sneaking glances at Craig with such a sad look on his face that he couldn't stay mad at him. He gave him a subtle nod as if to indicate that they were okay and Clyde's whole face beamed at it. When the countdown from Times Square started on TV everyone joined in and when the New Year arrived Tweek kissed him, sloppy and with breath full of the unholy combination of coffee, alcohol and weed but nevertheless it made Craig happy.

“I got a surprise for you,” he whispered and got out of his embrace. Craig was ready to protest but then Tweek was back with a small package, wrapped in festive paper.

“I-I know we said no holiday presents this year to save money, but consider it an early birthday gift,” he said.

Craig stared at it for a moment and then started unwrapping it. When he was done, his eyes widened and a honest smile appeared on his face.

“Dude! You got me ‘Star Citizen’!” he beamed at his boyfriend who shrugged trying to appear nonchalant about it “W-well, I knew how much you wanted this stupid game,” he said grinning from ear to ear.

Craig hugged Tweek tightly and whispered “I love you, man.”

“I love you too, Craig.”

Biggest winner in the universe, huh? Yeah, he guessed he could spend another year proving them right.


End file.
